Made To Crave

I've started reading through Made To Crave with a group of women from my Clean Eating group. I am borrowing the book and DVD from a friend. So, I sat down and read through the first 3 chapters.

In the introduction it talks about Jesus telling the rich man to sell his possessions and follow him. The man wasn't able to give up what he loved to do that. She says that we cannot drag our divided heart alongside as we follow hard after Him. Ouch! How often do I do that. I want to follow Christ. I want to give up those things, but some part of me just won't let them go completely. So I drag a divided heart after Him. I fall because they weigh me down and I take my eyes off Him to see if they are still there, still look good to me, they still hold a place of desire in me. Wow! Powerful, even though I knew these things, but didn't allow my spirit to KNOW them!

Next, it talked about how Satan tempts us the same way he did Jesus. He uses cravings for things, lust of the eyes, and then boasting of what we have or do. Oh, those cravings! I can turn away, try to focus someplace else and in my mind still picture it, desire it, just want one bite to satisfy my desire, just smell it, taste it. Thinking it will be so good.... and how many times do I taste and it just doesn't seem to be as good as what I imagine it will be. So, I try something else. Only to fill my body with stuff that makes me tired, fat, sleepy, grumpy, guilty.

So, how did Jesus respond to Satan's temptations? He used scripture. So, when I am tempted and craving what isn't beneficial I should use that as a prompt to pray. Use scripture as a way to refocus my mind and heart.

All but two of the Israelites were not allowed to enter the Promised Land because they would not lay down their desires. They willfully put God to the test by demanding the food they craved Psalms 78:18. They wandered the desert 40 years and never entered the abundant life God had for them. I know from experience that after a period with no sugar I have so much energy and feel so much better. I remember how fruits tasted so much better. So sweet and good! How my cravings went away for the most part. They are still there, but the intensity dies down so your brain can redirect you to a better choice or to resist easier. The problem is the torturing days of intense cravings where you want to murder someone. Where you want to just make them go away. Where you can't focus. Headaches... oh, the headaches! Tiredness. Mood swings. All those horrible horrible intense days getting from one place to another. The desert. But on the other side it is so much better.... it is just a tough road to get there. Dry. Parched. Intense heat. Feeling alone, forgotten, deceived. The Israelites grumbled asking why they were taken out of slavery to starve in the desert, saying it was better where they were. When God was providing manna daily. Better in slavery? They couldn't see where God was taking them. They couldn't give up their desires and learn to trust Him for what is good and best. They drug their divided hearts with them. Going along, but not fully letting go of what they had so they could grasp what God had for them. Fools! We are all fooled by the devil into thinking that if we give up our desires that God will not give us anything better.

I want His blessings. I want what is on the other side. I don't want to drag my divided heart along and wander the desert as He waits for me to let it go so he can fill me with much much more. Everything my heart desires, that is beneficial and complete.

Body Revolution Week 3 Day 2

I woke up early this morning and went to the track. I want to do the Couch to 5K. I walked one time around the track to warm up and used the Couch to 5K app to know when to run. I did 4 of the 8 run times. I am going to have to work up to doing the whole first day at one time.

There was a lady at the track when I arrived and she was going the wrong way (counter clockwise) I didn't want to have to come the other way every lap so I just joined in going that way. Well, after I did one lap she turned around so it left me looking like the dork going the wrong way. I won't do that again!

It is so intimidating for people to see me run. Run is a very lenient word. I think it is more like walking in cursive. Slow, more people speed walk faster than my pitiful jog. My kids laugh at me. But, guess what? I am out there. I am going to improve. Today i can't go far, I can't go fast, but I am going. I like the quote for today " Allow yourself to be a beginner. No one starts off being excellent." Truth.

I did Phase 1 Workout 4 today for the first time. One of the exercises I could not do was hold weights straight up over your shoulders and head. From a standing position go down on your right knee, left knee, stand on right foot, left foot. Then repeat multiple times. I got down and it is too much on my knees with all my weight to get back up. I am going to drop the weight and may balance next time instead of holding hands over head.

I had 135 squats to do today. I did 40 while my egg was cooking.  I usually unload the dishwasher or clean the kitchen while waiting on things to cook. Who knew I could have been making a cute butt instead!

I've been totally wiped out today after my workouts. I have gotten absolutely nothing done around the house. I went to Sams yesterday so had all the big boxes of food and bags of apples, oranges, potatoes, and avocados lying on the counter. Then the kids just left whatever they used out and it is messy. I tried to pick up before my husband comes home, but it still isn't looking too good.

I do not know what to do about my extreme tiredness! I've been taking vitamins, drinking water, added more carbs, trying to get rest. Nothing seems to be working. I am pushing to try to keep working out and to function.

Today I had an egg and 2 slices of bacon for breakfast.

 

For lunch I made baked chicken with Greek seasoning. I used that in a salad with onions, peppers, avocado, and my homemade salsa. It was very good.

 

I've struggled with snacks today. I've given in to a mini bag of Doritos and a rice Krispie treat. I also had a mandarin orange.

 

I haven't had supper yet, but I am having the Greek chicken, onions, peppers, avocado, and some cheese over brown rice. Hoping that it will satisfy my cravings better than a salad. I am also going to have an apple with peanut butter.

Body Revolution Week 3-

I have decided to redo week 3 on Body Revolution. I did not do a full workout last week. Something is just off. What was doable the week before seemed impossible and I felt like I could barely function. I've added back some good carbs... sweet potatoes, brown rice, etc at supper to see if that helps with my energy.

We went hiking on Sat to a nearby trail on the mountain. One place says 1.5 miles and another says 2.1 miles so I am not sure of the distance. I was already feeling tired before going, but was excited to get out and do it. My husband got ahead and called out to me to, "push it", "dig in", "come on" and got irritated with me for being tired and out of breath. He thought he was motivating me. He is a Marine after all. But, instead it made me feel not good enough. Embarrassed to be out of shape and slow. We got to the end and I hit my wall. We came out of the trail at the road we had to go down, but the car was up a hill in a parking lot. I waited at the road for him to come down and get me. Man, that pissed him off! He said I made the hike take an extra 30 minutes and embarrassed him that they had to wait on me. Within me things just went worse and worse, feeling defeated.... crushed. I've worked so hard trying to workout every day. I am struggling with whatever is going on energy wise. I was so excited to be going hiking and finding new trails. I am not losing weight. The thoughts started swarming me that it is all useless, it isn't working anyway. I don't see results. I am a disappointment to him. I am embarrassed to be out of shape. It all doesn't matter anyway. And since I can't do it and be good at it I might as well quit.

I sulked all day Saturday barely moving from the couch. I didn't go to church Sunday because I didn't want to go and put on a smile and pretend I am happy. I was hurting.

Today, I woke up. It is a Monday and new fresh start. I have grieved and will now let this roll off my back. I have spent 13 years giving up on myself. Either I didn't have the time or energy to take care of myself. I've started and let weather, love of food, lack of time, discouragement at being slow, out of breath, and embarrassed about my body stop me time and time again. Is it useless?????..... No! Even if I am not losing weight yet, I see I can do one more push up, 10 more seconds in a plank, all the jumping jacks in the circuit, and all the many things I see improving. It may be slow, but it is more than yesterday. So, I am going to keep going. What i would like to do is do this trail once a week to get in all the rough terrain and hills going up the mountain. I am going to start the Couch 2 5K this week. I think :) UGH, I wish I could get my energy back!

I did workout 3 in Body Revolution today. Most of it. The plank to sunrise pose was impossible. I just couldn't get form right. The rest was ok, but challenging.

Week 3 Day 17 and 18 Body Revolution

Wednesday was cardio day. I am really feeling my quads after the hike on  Tuesday and all the squats from the challenge. It isn't so bad you can't make it down to sit on the toilet, ha,ha... don't you hate that? When you want to die trying to get down onto the potty? It is that good-sore that shows you worked your muscles.

I don't think I mentioned I fell when we were hiking? I can't remember. Anyway... at the end of the trail it had a pretty good decline to a slate rock area that had a another waterfall. The whole side of the river was almost like steps with an incline of the slate and had multiple areas where little mini water flows were coming off the mountain into the river so it had a lot of wet rock areas that were very slippery. I carefully walked across the wet area to get to the side of the waterfall to view it and on my way back.... BAM! I face planted. You know how you see falls in slow motion? Well, I had none of that. One second I was on my feet and the next I was on my belly sliding down the rock towards the water watching my cell phone that I had in my hand that landed right in the stream of water coming down the rock. To top it off there were two different groups of people who were at the falls. So, I started nervously laughing. I was totally wet all down my front and a little muddy and embarrassed. Luckily I have an Otter Box on my phone and water had seeped under it and was on the screen. I quickly removed the Otter Box and gave it to Jamey to dry the screen (because I didn't have any dry shirt) It was okay. Oh, I have to laugh at myself, I am such a klutz.

Thursday, I am still just struggling with extreme tiredness. I took another 50000 units of Vit D and I am trying to drink a lot of water. I started doing my Body Revolution, workout 3, but after the jumping jacks two times, crazy walk out plank, jumping rope, etc I was so tired so I only did half the video. After exercising I ate a mandarin orange and immediately started throwing up again (I did this Monday) It wasn't right after exercising, like 20 minutes later. I don't know what is going on. I don't feel nauseated, it just comes over me all of the sudden and I don't make it to the bathroom. When I eat it feels like it is all sitting in my chest area so I think my Hiatal Hernia is acting up and just pushing food back up. I don't know.... sorry to be gross.  I made a pasta salad with gluten free spaghetti noodles, smoked sausage, steamed broccoli, and Italian dressing. I was hoping the carbs would help my energy.

We had a really bad storm with tornadoes Thursday. All the school systems got out at 12:30 except ours so I went and got the kids out early. We had sirens go off for a little while. I cleaned out the downstairs closet so we could jump in if we needed to, but I didn't see anything. They said a "bookend" tornado was spotted about 6 miles from us heading our way. It just didn't touch down in our area. After it passed us there was damage about 6-10 miles the other side of us. Thank God we were spared any damage. My daughter had to go to work right in the middle of it, so I was worried about her.

I got my 2nd letter from my son in boot camp yesterday. It is so good to hear from him. His knee is bothering him and he is going to have to go to medical if he isn't able to run with it. That could slow his graduation date. I am going to go get him some sunscreen he asked for today and get it in the mail. He can't have any food, or they will just put it up until graduation, so I don't know what else I can get him. He sounds good. He loves the towers and fighting and stuff. He says he has increased his push up, run, and sit up times. He also says he is staying away from any junk food and eating really healthy. So proud of him. I hope when we go for graduation I will have lost about 25 lbs. I don't know anymore, I am not losing as much as I try!

My mindset is changing. I keep thinking of how fun it would be to meet friends at different trails around here and hike for fun. I am planning on going to  different ones on the weekends with the family and enjoying doing all the different trails. That is huge! Activity and exercise are becoming something I look forward to and enjoy! I have decided to repeat week 3 next week. I am going to go ahead and do workout 4 today (Friday) and just count next week as week 3 again. I haven't had a good workout day this week and don't want to move on until I am doing it all so I don't injure myself. Oh, I did 100 squats Thursday. The challenge went from 80 to 100. I didn't see that until I pulled it up to see what I was supposed to do. Yikes, that is so boring after about 25. I did a set of 40 then later did a set of 30 and then another 30 later on.

Day 15 and 16 Body Revolution

On Monday, my 15th day of Body Revolution, I tried to exercise but as I started I just had zero energy. It started with jumping jacks as the 3rd and 4th week add more jumping. I was just so lethargic I knew I was going to injure myself so I quit and decided to do it after eating lunch. Well, I threw up the rest of the day so I never did my workout.

 

Yesterday, I also didn't workout. I met my lifelong friend from 1st grade at Little River Canyon for some hiking. She lives in Atlanta so LRC was about an hour and 45 minutes for both of us. It was a beautiful day and the park is so gorgeous.

 

She posted this photo on Facebook for all to see. I've avoided full body shots, always cropping to make myself less noticeable fluffy. Well, everyone know knows I am extra fluffy :( I've tried hard to work on my inner dialogue and not talk to or about myself in a way I would not talk to a friend. I am really struggling this morning looking at this photo.

 

 

So, what would I tell a friend that was struggling after seeing a fluffy photo??? I have been doing what I can by exercising and eating a lot better. And I did something active. I knew that I am not in the best of shape and may be slower and get winded, but I did it! I had a great time being out in nature.... seeing where the trail would take me. I am doing all I can each and every day to move forward. Yes, I am sad I have let myself do this to my body. Sad that the real me inside doesn't match the outer me. That the outer me holds me back. So, this photo will be motivation to continue on. I will not give up and settle with "this" for the rest of my life. I will conquer and I will win!

 This is Little River Falls that is viewed from an observation deck right off Highway 35. During the winter the water is deep enough for kayaks and there are a lot of kayakers that go off this fall.... eek!

 This is Little Martha Falls. We hiked from the parking area at Little River Falls about a mile to Little Martha Falls. In the summer it is called the Redneck  swimming hole. I didn't get a photo but it forms a pool area at the bottom of the drop.

My plan since I missed two days of Body Revolution is to do workout 3 this morning and workout 4 tonight, cardio tomorrow, then 3 and 4 again Friday, and cardio again Saturday. That may be too much, though, so I will have to try it today and see. In weeks 1 and 2 it is low impact. Weeks 3 and 4 add in some jumping so is a little more stressful on the body. I am still struggling with lack of energy so don't know if I can push that.

Day 12 and 13 Body Revelolution

I am late posting for Friday and Saturday. On Friday I did Workout 2 in Body Revolution and it was the final time to do it. I am a little worried to start two more routines next week, because I don't feel strong enough to move on. So many of the things like the butt lifts I feel so weak doing them. I will just keep going and do my best :)

I feel so encouraged to have worked out consistently. I lost 3 lbs and then this morning got on the scale and was back up the 3 lbs I lost. I know the scale doesn't mean much and will fluctuate, I just want to see some reward. Keep going. Don't give up. Letting it discourage me will not get me to my goal, I have to just keep doing better and stay consistent.

Saturday I was supposed to do the Cardio DVD. We had a party to go to so I got up and showered and dressed without thinking. I meant to get up and do the DVD! We met friends up on a mountain and did do a little hiking.

I don't even remember my meals as it is Sunday that I write this.

This is a photo of me and my friends at the party on the mountain. I am in the striped shirt.

Day 11 Body Revolution

I did Workout 1 for the final time in my Body Revolution yesterday. You do workout 1, workout 2, cardio, workout 1, workout 2, cardio each week for two weeks. Then for weeks three and four you do workout 3 and 4 with the same cardio tape. Workout 1 has lunges, plank, bicycle crunches, triceps, squats, and shoulders in it. I struggle more with it than workout 2. I can already feel my core getting a little sore as well as my glutes. But, I also am getting that stronger feeling where you don't feel as heavy as you walk upstairs and although moves are tough you feel your body is more capable to just push through. I have sweat just dripping off my face with each workout, getting in my eyes and feeling so good.

I weighed after my workout and have lost 3 lbs. I was so excited and hope it wasn't just water weight. I am going to measure after 4 weeks and also take photos again. I cannot wait to see progress!

Day 10 Body Revolution

I didn't exercise yesterday because I woke up with a horrible headache that Excedrine did not knock out. I wasn't able to eat all day without my stomach being upset and feeling very nauseated. Getting back to it today, not going to let it derail me!

I didn't eat all day. When my husband came home he went to Zaxbys and I got some BBQ buffalo wings and french fries. Later had a mini bag of Doritos and a rice krispie bar. Also had a diet coke with the Zaxbys meal so messed up my no-coke diet. Well, I guess we will have days like this and today is a new day... so I am getting back up from my fall.

Day 9 Body Revolution

Second day back at Revolution after vacation and I am still struggling to get back into some sort of routine. My body feels so weak and tired. I think my Vit D levels must be very low again as I am falling asleep at 9 the last few nights and just feel so tired all the time. I've been taking 2000 mg a day on my own in addition to the 50000 mg I am to take once a month. I am going to take the 50000 units tomorrow to see if it helps.

I love workout 2 in Body Revolution. It does the rump raises and donkey kicks and stuff for your booty. I can feel how weak I am, so know I am building and strengthening.

I have also started a squat challenge for April

since I am a day behind starting I did the 55 yesterday and will just go from there. I need to also try to do some planks everyday to increase my time. I haven't totally committed to that yet, though.

I did better with my eating. I drank water all day, instead of sweet tea I drank all weekend. I had a boiled egg and 2 slices bacon for breakfast, leftover ham and peas with a sweet potato for lunch, Greek yogurt for meal 3, a hamburger patty for supper with broccoli, and a sugar free jello pudding for a snack and about 1.5 cups of popcorn. It was microwave popcorn with butter and was nasty. I need to go buy some fresh fruit, I was out today. Baby steps forward.

Day 8 Body Revolution

 

 

 

I took a scheduled time off last week for Spring Break. We went to Orlando to Disney and had a great time. We woke early every morning and got to the park for opening so I knew I wouldn't be able to do my Body Revolution in the hotel. We did get a lot of intense walking in as we rushed from ride to ride. We kept the fast pass going so would usually be running to get to that ride across the park on time. My family was joking about how fast I walked, cutting in and out of the crowd.

 

So, yesterday was Day 8. It was SO HARD to get back going. I didn't want to do it, but made myself and could feel the week off. On top of that I ate junk on Easter over the weekend and just felt all that sugar and yucky feeling. I felt I half did the workout, just trying my best to get through it. I had no energy or drive. I know I just need to keep going, so that is what I will do. I had to pause it to go look for my 8 lb dumbbells. I need to increase weight for triceps and chest flyes. My son took them and I searched his room and couldn't find them so I had to use the 5 lbs. UGH! LEAVE MY STUFF ALONE! I guess I need to be happy he is excited to work out and be strong.

 

I did my diet halfway yesterday. I had 2 slices of bacon and a deviled egg for breakfast. I had Greek yogurt for meal 2. Then for meal three I had leftover ham, candied sweet potatoes (sugar in them), and peas. For supper I made scalloped potatoes with ham. I just did pretty bad to get my body feeling good and just made this yucky feeling last longer. Today I am going to concentrate more to eat what will be good for my body.

 

I was so embarrassed to see photos we took on vacation. For so long I avoid the camera because I don't like what I see. I am trying to get in a few so I will have evidence I was there and also some before photos. It just saddens me to see what I have let myself become. I then get discouraged when I try so hard and can't seem to make it all stick and be consistent. All I know is that I am worth it and I have to keep doing it. It may be a tough road, but I have to take the journey and keep going. What is... is, so no continuing to beat myself up or letting discouragement keep me from going forward.