Monday, April 15, 2013

Body Revolution Week 3-

I have decided to redo week 3 on Body Revolution. I did not do a full workout last week. Something is just off. What was doable the week before seemed impossible and I felt like I could barely function. I've added back some good carbs... sweet potatoes, brown rice, etc at supper to see if that helps with my energy.

We went hiking on Sat to a nearby trail on the mountain. One place says 1.5 miles and another says 2.1 miles so I am not sure of the distance. I was already feeling tired before going, but was excited to get out and do it. My husband got ahead and called out to me to, "push it", "dig in", "come on" and got irritated with me for being tired and out of breath. He thought he was motivating me. He is a Marine after all. But, instead it made me feel not good enough. Embarrassed to be out of shape and slow. We got to the end and I hit my wall. We came out of the trail at the road we had to go down, but the car was up a hill in a parking lot. I waited at the road for him to come down and get me. Man, that pissed him off! He said I made the hike take an extra 30 minutes and embarrassed him that they had to wait on me. Within me things just went worse and worse, feeling defeated.... crushed. I've worked so hard trying to workout every day. I am struggling with whatever is going on energy wise. I was so excited to be going hiking and finding new trails. I am not losing weight. The thoughts started swarming me that it is all useless, it isn't working anyway. I don't see results. I am a disappointment to him. I am embarrassed to be out of shape. It all doesn't matter anyway. And since I can't do it and be good at it I might as well quit.

I sulked all day Saturday barely moving from the couch. I didn't go to church Sunday because I didn't want to go and put on a smile and pretend I am happy. I was hurting.

Today, I woke up. It is a Monday and new fresh start. I have grieved and will now let this roll off my back. I have spent 13 years giving up on myself. Either I didn't have the time or energy to take care of myself. I've started and let weather, love of food, lack of time, discouragement at being slow, out of breath, and embarrassed about my body stop me time and time again. Is it useless?????..... No! Even if I am not losing weight yet, I see I can do one more push up, 10 more seconds in a plank, all the jumping jacks in the circuit, and all the many things I see improving. It may be slow, but it is more than yesterday. So, I am going to keep going. What i would like to do is do this trail once a week to get in all the rough terrain and hills going up the mountain. I am going to start the Couch 2 5K this week. I think :) UGH, I wish I could get my energy back!

I did workout 3 in Body Revolution today. Most of it. The plank to sunrise pose was impossible. I just couldn't get form right. The rest was ok, but challenging.

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